Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
