I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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