I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
