I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
