This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
