was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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