im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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