I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize