i already hear my dad disowning me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
