legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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