I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
