uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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