It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
