I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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