Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
