You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
