we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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