Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
