the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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