What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
