life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
