Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
