My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
