so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My penis needs a shock collar
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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