Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
