The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
