all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize