I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
