i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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