Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
