My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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