Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
