sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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