Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize