Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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