True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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