didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
