Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
