her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
