the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
