Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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