My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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