we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
