wrigley field is MILF paradise
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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