I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
