Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
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