Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
