Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
there is puke in my bra ... again
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