His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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