so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
