I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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