tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
