so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
