two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
