quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
