The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
