I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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