stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
