sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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