it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
