I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
