Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
