At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
