my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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