bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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