genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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